In Gratitude, Love and Solidarity Always: Happy Wedding Anniversary Rachael!

Today is my wedding anniversary and as I reflect on my own life and experience, I would like to share my hope for you all.

Rachael and I got married in December of 2010. I taught four fall semester classes, and we got married I think the day after my last Statistics lecture. Rachael was the clinical chaplain at the state hospital, and she needed to be back at work for Christmas services. So that’s how we chose the date for our wedding.

We managed a quick, four-day honeymoon in Puerto Rico, where I showed Rachael where I used to live—and where she learned never to trust me when I say something is ‘near’ or ‘far.’ My memory of distances tends to be… unreliable. We got blisters on day one from walking miles in the wrong shoes.

That has never happened again, because we truly are good for each other.

Neither of us has a relationship with any immediate family—no kids, no parents, no siblings. But out of harm and loss, love found a place to take root and flourish. And I am so grateful for my life.

This world is better because there is a Rachael in it. As a disabled, autistic person, what becomes publicly visible is the support. And so, what you all end up seeing is what Rachael does for me.

But I want you to know something.

As valuable as that support is, it’s incidental. What I value most about Rachael is the collective of everything she has to offer so many people outside of our home. It’s not even close. She is a treasure.

And what I value most about our marriage is how our relationship helps me to be a better person, to be the best me that I can be. And I know that Rachael says the same thing, that our relationship helps her to be the best her.

We center our lives in generosity as a family. We have conversations just about every single day, about what we can give and share that day, from what we have to offer, to the people who need whatever we can give.

It’s about all the resources we have—time, talent, and money. What do we know? What can we do? How can we help?

When we think about our next move as a family, we’ve shifted to talking about getting what I’ve crassly named a “shitty house” – many people in our demographic look at 50+ communities with amenities, and we’re focused on how little we actually need—so we can give more away.

My God, I am so grateful for my life and for being married to the most perfect person in the world for me.

After being with someone through all that we’ve been through, and to be still so close after all these years, and still so much in love, and so very intimately connected and looking forward to our future lives together—dear reader,

“Find someone who helps you be your best self. That is the gift. That is the secret sauce.”

– Erika Sanborne, Autistic PhD.com

Happy anniversary, Rachael. Thank you for continuing to love along with me. Thank you for letting me love you too.

I will pop a few more photos from our honeymoon below here too.

Want to discuss this topic?

* There is this post on bluesky and this thread on facebook *